Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Happiness and Joy: A Prayer for My Three Sons

   Every now and then, I feel the need to send a letter of encouragement or prayer to others. The motivation for the most recent one, addressed to my three sons, is a recurring reflection of my personal life; a collection of memories like the collection of still images that transforms into a motion picture. Believe me, there are no selfish plans to leave the movie before it ends. However, the Christian song artist, Steven Curtis Chapman, writes, “make the best of your own journey from the cradle to the grave.” My journey involves stopping along the way and sharing knowledge and experience to whoever has an ear to hear them.

To My Three Sons:

In contemplating the arrival of Jacob in November and reflecting on the relationship and commonalities he will have with his soon-to-be cousins, I want to share a few thoughts and a prayer with you three, wonderful young men.

I may have mentioned my dad was an impatient individual, and, for the most part, a distant father. He was relatively quiet until stoked by what he felt was bad behavior. Discipline was with a belt or, when we boys were older (the two sisters received little discipline), with fists. Because I made good grades and my brother did not, I was always doted on while he was scolded and belittled, sometimes in front of others outside the immediate family. Years later, after leaving home for the Army and after marrying the beautiful woman (your mother) that gave me a different, nicer interpretation of life, I began reflecting on the years of my youth. My reflections, my inner self, and of course, my God revealed my parents were not happy people. When I say, “not happy,” I mean, “not happy with themselves.”

And I have no doubt my parents’ unhappiness was passed on, so to speak, to me and my siblings. Indeed, inner happiness and joy were not encouraged by my parents and the push to succeed in school and college made almost certain they were not.  Other than working at my dad’s gas station, during my youth, I had no coping mechanisms, such as 4H Clubs, Scouts, or church groups, to offset the home environment. Unfortunately, lack of inner happiness followed me into adult life. Prime example: one day, after the honeymoon, of course, I woke up and realized I was married. Other than enjoying the fringe benefits of marriage, I was not happy being married.

Unhappiness with marriage lingered into the child rearing years of my children, you three. However, and I don’t exactly know when it happened, I was convicted by God and life to be “happy” with myself and with my family; I was convicted to raise and love you three boys different from the way I was raised. And I was convicted to break a vicious cycle that may have begun generations ago. Indeed, it was a huge effort (because I failed many times); but I feel the course was held. Of course there were things I wish I had better control of. The biggest thing was not being able to share with your mom every minute of your growing years. Your mom worked late or too much, and I was away too much with work and the Army reserves.

So, in summary, life, for me, has been one, big learning experience. And the most important thing I have learned is to be happy with myself. For all men and women, happiness with oneself can bring forth an abundance of good and wonderful things. The two, most important ones for me have been a closer relationship with God and an appreciation of and patience with your mother and with you, three guys,  not to mention people outside the immediate family. To summarize (again), if you have not been reading between the lines of this letter, what I am praying is that you have been (or will soon be) convicted to inner peace and happiness before your slow, old dad was.

Love, always,

Dad




Sunday, June 19, 2016

Balance is More than a Tightrope Act

     Like many things in life,” balance” is important; maybe the most important part. To “lose” balance may mean the inability of a living body to “correct” itself (its physical position) to its environment, a medical condition. Or it may mean an inability to accomplish a task that was once easy to accomplish; to lose one’s mojo, to coin a popular (or once popular?) phrase. Regardless of the situation balance is integral to nature, to include the human condition.

     When I think of balance in nature, I think of a habitat’s ability to sustain a certain population of, let’s say, deer. If resources, such as food, water, and shelter, are not available in sufficient quantities, the population decreases, either from death or movement to another habitat. The population decrease is a result of nature putting things (the habitat) back into balance. Other factors that affect the population and help “effect” balance are disease and predators.

     “Disease” and “predator;” these two words may be the most common in the printed and broadcast media. In the human condition these words, justifiably, instill fear and unknowns. They aren’t pretty words, for sure; however, war, crime, bullying, and disease have always played an important part in human history; humankind has been confronted with them from day one.

     Today, humankind exerts extreme efforts to confront war, crime, bullying, and disease. The trade balance, the balance of powers, nuclear parity, the United Nations WHO, militarized police forces, social and educational programs, etc., describe attempts to “correct” the world or what some scientists and strategists refer to as “changing the big picture.”

     But how can that part of the world that affects us as individuals (the small picture or our own little worlds) be corrected and brought into balance? To be sure, if we can’t balance our own lives, we can’t expect to help balance the world. A prescription to my fellow humans would be "pursue a full and abundant life." To echo a Catholic priest and a pediatrician, both whom I have met in my life’s travel, respectively, “while you’re counting the days of your life, make each day count,” and, “life is a gift; pass it on.”

      While you are thinking about making each day count, don’t think living a full and abundant life means working tirelessly and having plenty of money and things. Instead, consider thinking of improving your knowledge or education, hobbies and interests, and physical health as “abundancy.” Think of self-dependency, family, helping others, and enjoying God’s handiwork and special gift as “filling or fulfilling.” Consider all the things in life you have never taken time to consider. Lastly, and most importantly, put all these thoughts and considerations into action.

     Over a lifetime’s run we will undoubtedly encounter challenges to our personal balances. Attempts to maintain balance may seem like a circus of different acts. I think, however, focusing on living a full and abundant life to balance our lives will be more fun than doing a tightrope act.


Saturday, March 5, 2016

Taking Credit from others is making a Claim for You

     Why take credit from where it is due? Take, for example, an outside group that successfully organizes a group of people to take action in their community. The people in this outside group, essentially an organizer of change, should be confident enough in their skills and experience to let go of the fledgling organization. Ethically speaking, they should indeed give credit to the new organization when its teamwork results in successful and notable events in the community. In short, outside groups should be content enough with their success in setting an atmosphere of teamwork among the people they organize, and nothing more.

     Now, the outside group, mentioned above, may explain their wanting to take credit for successful events of their constituent organization as a misperception caused by miscommunication in the media (for example, a newspaper). However, the outside group prides itself in getting the right information to the masses; it should inherently know that ineffective communication too many times, whether it be in the media or by word of mouth, confuses people, makes them feel left out, and may emotionally hurt their sense of purpose.

     A real life example of the above situation recently occurred in a small, semi-rural county. About thirty years ago, parents and community leaders in this county were determined to have a county-level junior livestock show (the Show). The local County (agricultural) Agent and the vocational-agriculture instructor at one of the county high schools were instrumental in getting parents and community leaders to organize a junior livestock association that would, among other community events, put on an annual junior livestock Show. Eventually, the association was incorporated and it acquired an IRS number for non-profit status.

     Over time, the junior livestock association underwent changes and evolved. Its annual Show evolved into a bi-county junior livestock event. Today, as they have done over thirty years, 4-H and Future Farmers of America (FFA) youth exhibit their livestock project animals in scheduled contests. At an accompanying Mini-farm, area youngsters and adults can visit animals and agricultural products on display. However, something in the publicity of this year’s animal contest results and Mini-farm activities confused many.

     In regards to junior livestock show and accompanying mini-farm publicity, a local newspaper article left out all mention of the Show’s true name and the grass roots organization which organizes and puts on this annual showcase of 4-H and FFA Youth livestock activities. The article gave the Show a different name, the name of an outside group that claims to have organized and claims to put on the Show and Mini-farm each year. Granted, the outside group has contributed to successful operations of the Show. And the County Agent, who helped organize the Show thirty years ago, was employed by the outside group. However, the Show and accompanying Min-farm are truly local events made possible by parents and youth in the community.

     So, why take credit from where it is due? My feelings are that, as in the example described above, some people or groups lack the confidence to let go and develop other relationships (or organizations). As long as they hold on to that someone or something, he, she, or they eventually take ownership of that person or thing. Others, close to this situation, will undoubtedly be affected by the claim – in other words, the credit.



Thursday, April 16, 2015

Bullying is a Concern for Leaders/Mentors

      While employed as a Youth Education Professional with the Louisiana Cooperative Extension Service, I was offered the opportunity to work with teenage boys on a weekly basis, specifically on the discipline of mentoring.  I gladly accepted the offer and began searching for topics to include in the training. To become well-rounded mentors to younger boys, I thought, a lesson these teenagers should have was on a topic that was receiving much attention in the educational literature: bullying. During preparation for the lesson, I learned much about this devastating human behavior. Though there exists more current research on "bullying" and, indeed, more media coverage, let me share some facts from the 1990s.’

      Bullying exists to greater or lesser degrees in almost every westernized culture, to include Japan and China. Most Americans do not take bullying very seriously – not even in schools; they tend to think it is a given part of childhood. Teachers don’t want to admit it, because they rarely see it in the classroom.

      Bullying is among the most stable of human behavior styles, progressing from childhood to adulthood. However, it is a problem that does not sort itself out naturally. The aggression of a bully can be physical, or verbal, directed towards a particular person or it can be covert or subtle, such as lies communicated to others about a particular person.

      Several studies from research have shown that 60%-70% of children are never involved in bullying, either as victims or as bullies. 15% – 20% are involved more than once or twice a school term, once again, either as bullies or as victims. According to authorities and researchers in the social sciences, estimates are that incidents of bullying will increase.

     The thing about bullying is that, without intervention, children who are bullies grow up to be bullies. Charlotte Rayner, a human resource management professor at the University of Portsmouth (England) states, “bullying in the workplace is as much about what people don’t do, such as excluding targets from meetings, withholding information or leaving them off an important e-mail, as what they do, such as name-calling, making threatening statements, micromanaging or undermining somebody’s reputation.” The workplace culture, “see no evil mentality,” is what allows bullying to become the norm; a finding from psychologist Pat Ferris’ own experience and from her recent research.

      Research, which was not mentioned above, exists (I am sure) on the effects of bullying within the family unit; what initially comes to mind is the abuse inflicted by adult children on their elderly parents. Bullying is, indeed, a serious topic.



Information in this column is from the American Psychological Association Online (July/Aug. 2006) and Psychology Today Online (Oct. 2009)

Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Life of Abraham Lincoln - A Story of Leadership


      Many of us have read about and studied the 16th President of the United States in high school or college and may recall that he was described as one of the greatest, if not the greatest, presidents of all. But how many of us realize the story of Abraham Lincoln is one of a quest for eternal recognition that was fulfilled by natural leadership ability, self-learning, relentless desire, and keen competitiveness? This is how I realize the story of Abraham Lincoln as it is presented in the book, Team of Rivals, The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln, by Doris Kearns Goodwin (2005). The story of how Lincoln managed a presidential cabinet filled with characters who were also once “his” rivals (one or two continued to be so) is the main theme of this well written and easy-to-read book.

     Abraham Lincoln, the (supposedly) little known country lawyer from Illinois, had three adversaries for the nomination for presidential candidate at the 1860 national convention of the newly organized Republican Party. All three were quite well known nationally. Salman Chase was a strict abolitionist and served as a governor of Ohio. Edward Bates, originally eyeing retirement from many years as a lawyer and judge in Missouri, harbored some sympathy towards the independent-minded, slave-holding Border States. The most well-known of the three adversaries, William Seward (of Seward’s Folly fame), was a former governor and U.S. Senator from New York. He was a long-time abolitionist, but did not share the “radical” views that Chase endorsed.

     Among his adversaries Lincoln, obviously, felt he was relatively unknown; he served in the Illinois legislature and only one term in the U.S. Congress. Outside of Illinois he may have been heard of in Indiana, Missouri, and Kentucky (from where he and his family originated). But it was certainly in Illinois he became known as the self-made country lawyer, the rail splitter, and the story teller with a host of anecdotes on a wide variety of subjects.

     To make up for his lack of notoriety in the national, political arena, Lincoln embarked on a circuit of speeches throughout the country during most of 1860, most noticeably in the northeast. Interestingly, Lincoln’s stance on national issues and the few, political exploits before 1860, in their own time, drew commentary from many national newspapers. And, so, publicity on the ventures of 1860 served to remind convention delegates and (later) voters of the tall, lanky country lawyer from Illinois.

     It was advantageous to Lincoln that delegates at the 1860 Republican National Convention were divided as to whom they would choose to go up against the Democratic candidate. They needed a leader who, as President, would do the “right things” during the impending, crisis of southern secession from the union. Lincoln’s surprise nomination on the third ballot obviously triggered some action in the delegates; maybe their imagination or maybe their intuition. The acclamation was unanimous.

     In explaining Lincoln’s win at the national Republican convention, the author relates that Lincoln had acquired over time numerous, politically savvy allies; studied in earnest the attributes and weaknesses of the competition; and practiced the keen attribute of delaying his true intentions or decisions until the right moment. Each of his Republican adversaries as well as the Democratic competition also made fatal, political mistakes. For example, Seward was told by his campaign manager to take a trip to Europe where he vacationed and met various heads of state. Chase, also self-assured, had no campaign manager, and did little or no planning and campaigning, relying on his obvious attributes and fame to get him nominated; and Bates, stifled by his desire to stay home in Missouri with his close-knit family, was lax in fortifying his campaign. The Democrats, meanwhile, seemed to be even more divided than the Republicans on the prevailing national issues and, so, did not provide suitable competition for the Presidential election of November 1860.
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     Following his victory in the national election of 1860, Lincoln continued the use of his natural leadership ability and political savvy to build a working administration. He insisted on incorporating rivals (on many levels) to help him run the government. Lincoln did not want a group of “yes” men; he wanted men who would not hesitate to express their opinions, even to the point of arguing with their chief (which did occur on many occasions). However, Lincoln made it clear he was making the decisions.

     As for the most important members of the Lincoln cabinet, the roll call included a list of very, able politicians. He asked Seward to be Secretary of State; for Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton, a nationally-known Washington D.C. lawyer who had snubbed Lincoln years before; for Treasury, he wanted Chase; and for Attorney General, Bates.  In my opinion, Seward was the most competent, congenial, and most trusted member. Before Lincoln arrived in Washington, Seward paved the way during those troubled times of 1861, which included secession of many of the southern states and a military threat to Washington, itself.

     Lincoln, however, was not without frustration during the turbulent times of his first administration. On the outset, his main frustration was with how the prosecution of the war in the East would evolve during the first year. The East was the most vulnerable section of the country in terms of the Union cause. The campaigns in the West resulted in many victories for the Union; especially those involving General Ulysses S. Grant. After approximately three years of dragging feet in the East, the Union Army of the “Potomac” was placed under the command of Grant. Grant was also named what we may call today, “supreme” commander of all the Union armies.  

     During the prosecution of the Civil War, The Emancipation Proclamation originated and was submitted by Lincoln. Although it served the greater good, it did not include the slave-holding, Border States that remained undecided about secession. Lincoln also realized the Proclamation could have been challenged legally. However, it served as a much needed (and highly supported) war strategy that disrupted the southern effort and allowed fleeing slaves to volunteer as (much-needed) Union soldiers. Future ratification of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution (after Lincoln’s death) would serve as the key to freeing all the slaves forever.

     Before and during the war, Lincoln’s home life is described by the author in very good detail. Several incidents involving Lincoln’s high-strung (blunt speaking) wife with the frequent migraines are very interesting. In regards to his children, the stringent work schedules, of both a lawyer and president, invoked the distant relationship he had with his oldest son. The Lincolns lost their third son to illness. The special bond with his fourth son (a second son died as an infant) characterizes the more mature Lincoln as a warm and devoted father. Indeed, Father Abe was the name given to Lincoln by the Union troops. This expression of love and trust was also mirrored in Lincoln’s cabinet because, as the author notes, all came to love or at least respect their commander-in-chief by the time of his assassination in April 1865.


     Lincoln’s political genius as president was his ability for timing and getting people to do things without imposing his will or reminding others he was boss. He keenly knew when to delay an order or proposal until he felt the country (or individuals) was ready for it, much to the frustration of his supporters. He was a shrewd politician; he knew the system; he took advantage of the weaknesses of other candidates; he held his tongue when necessary and spoke when the time was right. Whether he will be recognized eternally, no one can say. But, as with each generation since his death, his life and politics continue to be studied and redefined. 

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Principles of Leadership, Editions 2 and 3

     Wishing not to place readers in a trance of anticipation, I decided to include the last, two editions of Principles together. Both editions are taken from literature written by Warren Bennis and Joan Goldsmith, two writers I have greatly admired, but confess have not read recently. Please enjoy!


Principles of Leadership, Edition 2.

     I feel that all of us will agree the fluid environment in which we work demands a leadership rather than a managerial approach to how we work with others; we all must be willing to transform ourselves, by the renewing of our minds, from managers to leaders. I'd like to share some leader/manager comparisons:

    - the manager focuses on systems and structure; the leader focuses on people.
    - the manager relies on control; the leader inspires trust.
    - the manager has a short-range view; the leader, a long-range (strategic, for you military people) perspective.
    - the manager asks how and when; the leader, what and why.
    - the manager has his or her eye always on the bottom line; the leader, on the horizon.
    - the manager imitates; the leader originates.
    - the manager accepts the status quo; the leader challenges it.
    - the manager is the classic, good soldier; the leader is his or her own person.
    - the manager does things right; the leader does the right thing.
                                            - from Learning to Lead by Warren Bennis & Joan Goldsmith

Principles of Leadership, Edition 3.

     All of us have the characteristics, functions, philosophical perspectives, and behaviors that can enable us to transform from managers to leaders; through our daily work experiences and advanced education, many of us have, more than likely, reflected on these attributes.
 
     Bennis and Goldsmith (1997) remind us to reflect, also, on what is important in our daily lives; our values. From values we can “create goals for achieving transformation.” Five values identified by these authors are as follows:

1.      Clear Communication: about goals, performance, expectations, and feedback.
2.      Ethical Practices: creating standards for ethical behavior for oneself, living by these standards, and rewarding others who demonstrate them.
3.      A Diverse Work Force: differing points of view are sought; diversity in race, sex, ethnicity, age, experience, and perspective are valued; and honesty is rewarded.
4.      On-Going Recognition: those who innovate as well as those who support the day-to-day functioning of the organization are valued; and leaders recognize their own contributions and acknowledge their own mistakes.
5.      Participatory Empowerment: stimulating and releasing the capacity of all people in the organization increases their satisfaction and empowers them to be successful.
-         from Learning to Lead, by Warren Bennis and Joan Goldsmith

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

An Avatar of Leadership

     Why has this website been devoted to Leadership? Why this website when a plethora of information on leadership (and volunteerism) is out there? Because it is personal! I am an avatar of leadership; this website is an avatar, one that embodies a philosophy of leadership. A philosophy adopted by a youth professional who found himself almost constantly at odds with his coworkers, those who wanted to do things the old way and with those who practiced the good old boy mentality. It is a website for sharing philosophies of leadership (I trust) that will spark the imagination of a new generation of youth and adults. Those who want to try innovative ideas, separate from the rest, work or volunteer in organizations where leadership is on a horizontal plane (instead of a rigid ladder) and not be demonized or bullied for exercising their principles. 
     And, so, for the next three blogs, I will be focusing on principles of leadership I have adopted and profess. They are basically codes of conduct that give me (and have given me) direction in the discipline of Leadership.
      
Principles of Leadership, Edition 1.

I begin a look at Leadership with principles relating to the positional leader. If we work in or do business with large organizations we soon or later come into contact with the person who is a leader simply because of his or her position.

Some leadership principles, regarding the positional leader, we all should consider are as follows:

    1. A leader, by reason of his/her position, (a positional leader) has job security based on title, not talent.

    2. A positional leader may be in control because he or she has been appointed to a position.

    3. People will not follow a positional leader beyond his or her stated authority.

    4. Positional leaders have more difficulty working with volunteers, white collar workers, and younger people.

     Followers of positional leaders are like the little boy who was asked by Billy Graham how to find the nearest post office. When the boy told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the convention center this evening you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven." "I don't think I'll be there," the boy replied. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

                                    - from Leadership 101, Jon C. Maxwell