Happiness and Joy:
A Prayer for My Three Sons
Every now and
then, I feel the need to send a letter of encouragement or prayer to others.
The motivation for the most recent one, addressed to my three sons, is a
recurring reflection of my personal life; a collection of memories like the
collection of still images that transforms into a motion picture. Believe me,
there are no selfish plans to leave the movie before it ends. However, the
Christian song artist, Steven Curtis Chapman, writes, “make the best of your
own journey from the cradle to the grave.” My journey involves stopping along
the way and sharing knowledge and experience to whoever has an ear to hear
them.
To My Three Sons:
In contemplating the arrival of Jacob in November and
reflecting on the relationship and commonalities he will have with his
soon-to-be cousins, I want to share a few thoughts and a prayer with you three,
wonderful young men.
I may have mentioned my dad was an impatient individual, and,
for the most part, a distant father. He was relatively quiet until stoked by
what he felt was bad behavior. Discipline was with a belt or, when we boys were
older (the two sisters received little discipline), with fists. Because I made
good grades and my brother did not, I was always doted on while he was scolded
and belittled, sometimes in front of others outside the immediate family. Years
later, after leaving home for the Army and after marrying the beautiful woman
(your mother) that gave me a different, nicer interpretation of life, I began
reflecting on the years of my youth. My reflections, my inner self, and of
course, my God revealed my parents were not happy people. When I say, “not happy,”
I mean, “not happy with themselves.”
And I have no doubt my parents’ unhappiness was passed
on, so to speak, to me and my siblings. Indeed, inner happiness and joy were
not encouraged by my parents and the push to succeed in school and college made
almost certain they were not. Other than
working at my dad’s gas station, during my youth, I had no coping mechanisms, such
as 4H Clubs, Scouts, or church groups, to offset the home environment. Unfortunately,
lack of inner happiness followed me into adult life. Prime example: one day, after
the honeymoon, of course, I woke up and realized I was married. Other than enjoying
the fringe benefits of marriage, I was not happy being married.
Unhappiness with marriage lingered into the child rearing
years of my children, you three. However, and I don’t exactly know when it
happened, I was convicted by God and life to be “happy” with myself and with my
family; I was convicted to raise and love you three boys different from the way
I was raised. And I was convicted to break a vicious cycle that may have begun
generations ago. Indeed, it was a huge effort (because I failed many times);
but I feel the course was held. Of course there were things I wish I had better
control of. The biggest thing was not being able to share with your mom every
minute of your growing years. Your mom worked late or too much, and I was away
too much with work and the Army reserves.
So, in summary, life, for me, has been one, big learning
experience. And the most important thing I have learned is to be happy with myself.
For all men and women, happiness with oneself can bring forth an abundance of good
and wonderful things. The two, most important ones for me have been a closer
relationship with God and an appreciation of and patience with your mother and with
you, three guys, not to mention people
outside the immediate family. To summarize (again), if you have not been reading
between the lines of this letter, what I am praying is that you have been (or
will soon be) convicted to inner peace and happiness before your slow, old dad was.
Love, always,
Dad
